Words that only poetry can say

Not You.

I’d started to get fed up of  watching you

do nothing,

You’d come back from school

and sit for hours in your room

 headphones blocking out all sound,

I wanted

things to change.

I wanted to be heard.

So I told you

That I couldn’t take it anymore

I’ve had enough of being ignored all day

You’re lazy!

Ungrateful!

Uninterested!

I won’t put up with this any longer, mister

You change or I’ll make the changes for you

No expression from you.

I was furious, you needed to see my ANGER,

And then you burst into tears

Good, I thought, Some emotion at last

And then your breath came out in short bursts

Maybe, I thought, this was your mask beginning to fall away

I held onto my anger strongly.

Then you started to shake

Your jaws and fists clenched

Eyes unblinking, face burning with pins and needles

thousands of them stabbing all over your body

‘I’ your words struggling to leave your exhausted mouth

‘can’t

Change

I’m scared’

What was wrong with you?

My anger wasn’t as bad as my mother’s

She was critical, furious, aggressive…

But how would you know I was not as bad as my mother?

And here I stood infront of you, no different to her

but maybe worse,

I held your shaking body.

While you had built a cocoon of safety

I had dragged you outside

 stretched your curled body until you broke

The promise I made to never let any hurt touch your soft newborn self

 Broken.

And all because I couldn’t see

That it was me that needed to

Change.

Not You.

 

5 thoughts on “Not You.

  1. We unintentionally pass on those very fears that we have learned from those we loved and looked up to in our youth too Leila ❤
    In all the healing's I have ever done, looking deep into their hearts, this is a fact of life. We are but what we have learned, to spend our lives breaking free from their shackles. But these shackles are the making of us, they have great purpose, for without them we would have no reason to find our hearts and 'see' the beauty that is really inside, waiting for us to look ❤
    Love is a discovery of self, and we must experience sadness to know happiness, hate to know love. And it must begin somewhere, and at birth we are given conditions. Just to breathe is a condition, along with the many other 'conditions' that being 'down here' brings. But in experiencing those conditions we will slowly find their opposites in all that we do…and in appreciation of what we have had to endure, that love we spend our entire lives looking for…our love ❤

    • There is so much healing in your words, Mark. I agree with you about life’s journey and needed to experience the lows to understand and embrace the highs. Thank you as always for taking the time to share your thoughts with me. I value them very much x

      • Thank you kind lady, as I also value yours. All encounters share many things, even the rocky one’s. But yours are always inlaid with a love, faith and hope for the future, that belief in what you are becoming…and a completion of a very beautiful journey. May ‘unconditional’ wrap you in her wings for your flight home ❤ xo

  2. This was wonderful you took me on a journey of anxiety over the tension between you both, and then the release, and the joy of knowing that YOU had got IT – and that you were both at peace… lovely, thank you

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